Begin Again


As you know I quit my job today. A lot of things are going on in my head but for once I can see things clear. It was the right decision and I will start feeling better soon.

I might need some time to get back. I will go back to my parents place for Christmas and hopefully get some more energy to be able to work through January.

I don't have a plan. Well, I have a plan to feel better again. I will apply for some jobs, get my life back again. And I'll take it from there.

Happy Holidays!


Back to Nature

It all comes down to the childhood. After reading Letters to a Young Poet and other shenanigans I've started going back to my own childhood and been trying to recall as much as I can in order to understand and get to know myself. It was an excellent opportunity to go to my parents house and look in old photo albums. I found several lovely pictures of me, my family being all happy. Although sometimes I can see some pain and sadness in my eyes, I can't remember where it's from. Or if I was unhappy or just camera shy. The first picture is from our summer vacation at a homestead we rented in the woods. No running water and we had an outhouse. I loved it. My brother and I learned how to walk on wooden stilts, we carved wood and we had a nice little rowing boat and I learned that too.

My family was very active and outdoorsy. We always went on great vacations during winter and summer. On weekends we went skiing or skating, took long walks in the woods, went swiming in the ocean, fishing crabs - doing all sorts of stuff - what happened? I want to begin again.

Ever since a while ago I've been more into nature. I love hiking, canoeing and lust for our summer place next to the ocean. My dream is to get enough money to buy a house next to the ocean and just sit there all day, light a fire, walk around in wollen socks, write and read books, walk around in nature and just live happily. I'm going to read Walden to get more inspired and perhaps I might even buy a van and drive around in like Yellowmanvan or Therollinghome

French Pastries

Suddenly I'm in the mood for this.



Tonight's honest feelings brought to you by friendly glasses of merlot and cabernet.. (:

I attended a volunteer appreciation event for the holidays this evening. Albeit tipsy from the slightly excessive cups of wine I pursued from the adorable bartender, my conversations with the elderly members of the community really grounded me--as they always do. I originally didnt feel that I deserved any recognition as my volunteer positions were short and infrequent, but to receive applause from my mentors and clients felt unreal! Aside from the recognition, I felt myself falling into a more positive space regarding my life throug my conversations with the org members. I discussed my future plans with them, but without an indication of rush (concerning age, as they are elders). Among individuals that were mostly above the age of 70, my age was such a joke--and I really appreciated that.
So a big thank you to my elder community for their presence, perspective, and wisdom.
And of course, a big thank you to my best friend who continues to impart her wisdom and grace as she ages (;

Good night baby xx

Love, c.



I slither up to my car in the dark corner of the parking lot. As I enjoy the cool, moist air from the wet cement, I sneak a ciggy (despite quitting) and embrace the salamander as my spirit animal.

I have approached what feels like the end of a minor hiberbation. Since my graduate school applications have fallen to pieces, I am changing my approach again--we should discuss.

I haven't been to meditation for two weeks, and I am feeling the consequences of it. Lots going on this time of year! However, my time spent blogging at the laundromat has been calm and clarifying.

Wishing you some peace of mind.



Inspired by you

After looking at your blog post I got my own clock. I had this before with San Francisco, Seoul and Down Under time in order to be able to Skype with you all. 

It was so nice to talk to you on the phone today. I applied for the job and now I feel great. Going downtown to buy delicious foods for tomorrow night when I have my friends over. 

Looking forward to Sunday Skype night!

Locked & Loaded

This new blogging screen on my phone was a good organizational decision! Now our time difference calculation is just three swipes away (:

Good morning to you, good night to me.
Love, c.


me and my crib

I had an extremely relaxing day at work today, which was nice (: With most of the other staff gone for the holidays, my supervisor set me free and I promptly went home to meet A and M for beah. It's getting beautifully cold out here, which warrants chunky scarves and James Blake. A left for the OC to visit family, and I left to make sweet potato soup and fried rice at M's pad. Now I am home from the dinner party experiencing full reign of my crib--whoo! I have so many plans to clean and organize on my time off.

I've already spent a couple hours watching Jane the Virgin--so absorbed by the telenovela glamz. I'm spending this holiday surrounded in lavender, candles, queer tv, and other things that engage my creative side. With that said, super excited for our skype date this weekend!

love, caro


Back to Coffee

I brew some coffee this morning.
Even though it makes me pee, I feel the need for coffee in the morning.
I started to rethink and reevaluate things.
It just started with a normal conversation with H where I asked her to help me get better at verbal authority. It later developed to something bigger. Much bigger. Not sure how to explain it, but I hope it will make me feel better.

How are you?


Creations etc

There has been a lot of things going on in my life. Things we ought to talk in private since it's fairly sensitive information which should not be shared on the world wide web.

So because of these personal things going on in my life I've tried to focus on the positive side of it all and think about what's important to me - what I want and where I want to go. I want to create and live up to my potential. I need to create space and time for being creative. I must write more, draw, paint, sew and sketch.

So far I've seen the Intern, which is a lovely movie! Robert De Niro is a sweetheart and Anne Hathaway is sublime.

I've also thought much of clothing and what I express by my look. I dyed my hair again. It's the same brown colour I had when I was in Korea. I'm starting to go towards a Granny Panty/Coco Chanel inspired style. Old school chic.

Coco Chanel once said,

“Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.”
I'm influenced by my grandmother on my mother's side. She was always impeccably dressed, hair all permed, always wearing slip skirt or dress pants and a blouse. It was a generation who made an effort. Dressing was not just an option, it was mandatory. 
Therefore, I'm taking after my fashion idol, Bill Nighy and Diane Keaton. I hope to update you with some nice pictures of me trying not to look awkward posing for the camera just for you. I need to get some more clothes, but not yet, so I'm just mixing and matching so far.
See you on Skype this weekend.



Now I occasionally wear patches over my knots.

I always talk about all the changes my life is going through..and if it sounds redundant, it probably is. In being self aware, I have to admit that I'm extremely sensitive and a little clumsy with transitions in set and setting. This morning, I felt the Americans poking around in my uterus and I knew that bloodshed was on its way. This tension alone kind of made me keel over (imminent change alert), and then I tried to pump myself to mentally fight the pain. I barely had the mental capacity to reach out for help, and I am so lucky that my best friend and partner A could run out to bring me a feast.
Dried figs, coconut water, mandarins, chicken noodle soup, clam chowder, sourdough, and cinnamon roll in the back (:
I ended up taking it extremely easy for the remainder of the day, and I'm glad I did. If anything it brought me here and I'm stoked to make a vegan tour of NY! It will be a great way to celebrate our 'plant-based' eating habits.
Hope you are well, take care of your uterus!

love, c.


Vegan in NYC?!

Yes, why not?

Asian Food

Hit me up with some nice recipes.
I need to get my doze of Asian food.
Promise me that we eat loads of Asian food when I come back to the US.
I will do videos on Yummy Dummie with our food adventures.
Miss you.


My Motivation

My motivation in life is to develop as a human being. In my mind there are a lot of different ways I can go about this, but at its core is always the ability to be balanced, and comfortable with myself. 
I'm about to drop the biggest hippie bomb--but last night I went to meditation, and the teacher touched on the human fear of being magnificent. It tickled me that she used that word, but beyond that it spoke deeply into my insecurities and how I let them absorb me. One of her prime examples was the way people reject appreciation (i.e. compliments), but hang onto criticisms. That's totally me feeding on to my own criticisms, or getting hurt feelings from werq.

And then I go home and have hot chocolate. (These are really rich and dark chocolaty, p.s.)

With that said, I can feel myself grasping how-to-be-sane in hectic life moments. Tonight, for example, is Club Wednesday, so I'm having wine, blogging, and playing Mario Kart. Ahh, the sweet feeling of sanity.
On another note, I recently discovered the Spotify web player, and love it. I say this proudly, despite feeling so 2008. I haven't had the time to explore new music for quite some time, so the playlists have been refreshing! And good music always heal the soul. 
This song has been nice for working:

I love you and your beautiful creations which have been a source of inspiration for mine. Also, I bought you some of those cool flavored Pretz to send over!

good night, chu chu
love, c.



Last weeks photo theme was Motivation.
We have a group, where we take a photo with a decided theme every week to keep us photographing. And I blanked.
What motivates me?
What makes me get up in the morning?
I got up because I didn't die during the night?

Of course it's the writing.
Creating stuff that motivates me.
If I can write and create it motivates me to keep going because it gives me joy.

I continued writing on my erotic novel, you know the one about the seasonal worker.
But other than that I need to get my shit together.
Make myself happy doing what I love to do.

Ps. we haven't started much with our collection. we have a plan tho.


Cold weather brings out the debu goddess in me..

I love smelling winter around the corner. Bundling up in soft sweaters and scarves, hot chocolate, boots, and people huddling around outdoor lamps at the bar --tehee all of it tickles me so. Winter also reminds me of family holidays, and the importance of maintaining connections with my loved ones. A recent visit from J allowed us to relive our experiences when we were younger--toasty, bundled up, and excited to make a run to McDonald's! Our night was completed by our recent favorite --Grapefruit Sculpin beer. The grapefruit smell is so beautiful.
The morning after we felt a little remorse in our stomachs, but it made me think that despite all the changes your life endures, it's fun to revisit previous experiences sometimes. Reflection is key to appreciating your life (:

With that said, I have to be careful not to reflect too deeply today as I have a lot of work to do! Still chugging along on my applications. I haven't sewed in a while, embarrassingly.. what kind of things are you making with your other partner? I've been seeing a lot of illustrators create cute pins and badges on instagram..

Wishing you warmth and buzz.


Non Stop Wednesday

It's almost still Wednesday in the US. I was procrastinating because I was so tired after the day and couldn't move outta the sofa. I was laying like a walrus rolling around if necessary. It's the labels. I had some chili cheese for dinner and it made me tired. I've noticed since I've cheated the entire weekend with prepared foods, meat and dairy that they are the devil. I'm tired because of them. So back to plant-based. Which will be easy because I went grocery shopping with mum in the afternoon.

We can start our collection now because on my 30th birthday I'll get this badass. I've already got started with a collection with my partner on danish robot dancers and we are about to order our labels/cotton patches. Did you make me a bag yet? Do you want me yo send you fabric? How much do you need?


(Em)bracing the cold

I woke up this morning and immediately fell in love with the day--sound of heavy rain, crisp cold, warm sheets. I did everything in my power to absorb the beauty of the morning, but alas it was only an excuse to slowly drag my butt through a case of the Mondays (:

Recently I have made an enemy out of my job as it exhausts me and leaves me with limited time to pursue my passions. With some thought, however, I have come to wonder whether I'm giving too much of myself at work. Is there a way for me to "work smart" and conserve some energy for the rest of my daily life? Or is this a matter of building stamina?

As I type this, Kona is asleep in the shape of a croissant. She is def my sensei in the R&R category.

Wishing everyone some sweet dreams.
chu chu, c.

Love at first snow, on the way to Vegas.


Ordered new glasses

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses
/Dorothy Parker


happy cilantro time

My recent go-to nail color with cilantro decor. 
P.S. It's Revlon Gel Envy #440 Wild Card do you gusta?


Thanks for the attention

Today I received criticism unexpectedly and front of my boss. It strongly invoked guilt. In retrospect and in truth, I did not have to feel guilty for my detachment from my daily duties. Now I understand that it was simply a small dip in my working habits due to my inattention to self care. With that understanding, I can feel grateful to have a manager who pays attention--as clearly, I had not confirmed that I was indeed, slippin' up.

Cheers to reflecting and resolving. Happy Friday love.


These girls reminds me of us back then. We're not like them but it reminded me when we were in San Diego going to thrift stores. This was way back for them too, now one of the girls has the channel.


Links, please

Dearest, another favour. What blogs do you follow? Can you give me the links?
I need some inspiration for lonely  friday nights.

Green Machine

Since I have a terrible cold I've been drinking this. 
Spinach, Celery, Banana, Kiwi and Soymilk - delish!


Favour to ask

I need some help.

Can you write down in a post, and you others who read, who know me, describe me. My strength, me weaknesses, everything you know about me. When you see my picture, read my name, what do you think of?

I'll tell you later why.



Feeling a bit anxiety-stricken that summer is coming to an end.



Good Afternoon Caro

I'm on sick leave at the moment.
I have tonsillitis.
Which sucks.
But I hope to get better soon.

It gives me a lot of time to spend in bed (not having too much engergy atm) so I'm watching a lot of YouTube videos on vegan recipes.
It's kinda fun.
I've been going strong on my plantbased lifestyle.
More than a week now.
Sometimes I cook so much food (usually late at night when my engergy comes back) and sometimes I just eat carrots, selleri and peanut butter.

But I'm going to be better at eating more diverse.
Take a look at this channel:
Hot for food
and their website.


30 year old crisis?

I'm freaking out.
I'm thinking of heading south.
Begin again.
New life.


Dear Caro

It makes sense and if it hadn't it would be fine. I'm an intelligent, sensual woman - I will figure it out.

I've also been a hot mess this week. I've been struggling with insomnia. Right before I fall asleep I lay in bed day dreaming of stuff like love & future. Future scenarios with hot Korean guys or the ones I'm crushing on at the moment or I dream of my career, what I do, where I live and my life being a famous writer etc. etc. But this week I've been scared of going to bed because I have nothing to dream about. So instead I've been forcing myself to stay awake in my sofa and not gone to bed until I'm so exhausted I will just collapse into bed. However, this weekend has been better since I've been working and have to go to bed in order to get more than 4 hours of sleep. I'm working on it.

Your old habbits are something that will not just disapear just like that. It's a progress, change will take time, don't beat yourself up if you fail, just try again. And if you fail again, try again. Listen to Aaliyah. Also, let's skype soon so we can do the meditation tutorial since I want to learn and I'll bright you up so you won't feel bad anymore.



Dear Ceci,

Honestly, I have been nothing short of a hot mess this past week!

On Sunday, I went to a prayer arrow ceremony calling for spiritual strength to guide me to my true self. My prayer arrow (shown above) helped me realize the benefits of having a spiritual space in your home. It's really grounding to begin and end your day with a practice, whether that is meditating, praying, stretching, having a cup of tea, tending the garden, etc. It's really just to hang out with yourself.
Anyway--since I left the ceremony, I have been fluctuating between feeling great and extremely weird. I have been conscious about truth-telling, but at random moments will run to old habits of denial, people-pleasing, and consequently self-victimization. My responses to my emotions have been really surprising to even me (so many surprise tears, frustration, and sadness) so I am trying my best not to feel like that friend. Then I ate old cottage cheese and got sick, which I partially attributed to my bad karma for not being productive. The next two days I quit smoking ciggys, found a new yoga studio, and felt a mix of extremely lethargic and extremely hopeful. Last night I celebrated Club Wednesday, then experienced yet another bout of food/stomach sickness for the second time this week.

Thus, this morning I woke up a bit confused. For a moment I felt like perhaps I was wrapped in negative karma, but I think I am creating that fog myself by over thinking. As it is in my nature to be overcritical of myself, I need to reflect more and practice recognizing things that are working--truth telling, open discussion, yoga, meditation, and being a kind witness to myself.
Clearly though, I could not do this alone--so here is my quick gratitude list:

Ceci, who is constantly sparking her fires of creativity and self-inquiry-- thank you for making me laugh, first of all! Secondly, thank you for your inspiration, warmth, and invitation to have my presence in your life. I'm so happy we're blogging and discovering together.

M, my best friend who is constantly sparking her fires of passion and self exploration -- thank you for the insight, joy, and clarity you bring to my life.

A, my best friend and partner -- thank you for your patience, your words, and above all your presence and support through all the tension, serious discussions, and puke in my hair.

Is this making any sense?

love, c.


I'm considering going vegan. Hclf vegan.
Also, tell me more about these chia seeds.
Dear Caro,
I'm trying to understand and find the meaning of life,
So far I haven't come up with anything substantial yet.
I'll let you know when I do.
How are you?



Take me back

I read AK's blog and I remember everything.
I remember who I was when we met and got to know each other.
I remember who I used to be.
That raises the question, who am I know?
I always thought that I'm a better person now and I've grown to become something amazingly greater.
I haven't.
I'm not bad.
But I'm not great.

Target Ladies
I have to get back.
Get back to who I used to be.
I was one sassy lady.
I brought sassy back.

I've got my old girl swag.
I'm staying true to myself and will simply be the person I am.
I know this person, I just lost her for a while.
This determined, honest, nice, cray cray, break-out-to-random-dance-person. The one with a cute and open smile, who's super funny, super photogenic and can't take a bad picture. Who loves the camera. And get more animated by the day. This very interesting person.
Something's super fascinating over there
I need reminders like this from time to time. When I got back from the US, I lost a piece of myself. I  I might have lost it just before I left, before we left campus. I got sea sick. It's like you get back to reality or the opposite - you leave the reality, leave the life you love.

But I'm going to get back. I might need some help.



It went okay at the health centre, I'm now on sick leave and will be back at work the 24th. It could have been worse.


At the health centre.

Let's Meet in NY 2016


I love the host, I wanna be friends with her.
Let's go to these places in 2016.
I'm going to start finding stuff for us to do when we get to New York.


Wedding bells

I have to wear heels today.

I photograph very Korean.


Brunch with buddies

After a night of rain the sun came out and my umbrella was lonely in my bag. We had pancakes, bagels, tea and coffee. I'm in withdrawal. I miss coffee and tea doesn't really do anything for me.


Salt & Vinegar

I had a lazy Tuesday with some daiquiris and salt n vinegar crisps after work. We went to hipsterville to a place called Street Life, I think you'd like it. Next time. I found out that in the real fairytales Ariel dies, the kid in Peter Pan dies and sleeping beauty was a rape victim. Fun night. But the drinks were good. 

I love sprinkles


"Ahhh.... alright"

It's my first day back from my vacation.
I'm feeling discouraged.
I could use som cheering up.


panic baking

I have to admit, I really hate baking. Cooking's fine but baking...

My friend has her birthday party and she wants us to bring cookies and cakes for the party.
I didn't want to bake anything but I'm butt ass broke so I dragged ut out and panic baked just before I had to leave.

Before I left I looked down and saw that I was wearing the clothes I used to cherish in the US. Remember?


I'm very creative with carrots

On the road...

I'm that type of person who looks out the window and says "oh, how pretty, let's stop and and take some pics".

Nora Roberts who knew?

On my vacay I did some reading. The camping ground had its own library filled with lady novels so I started on a trilogy by Nora Roberts - the Key trilogy. It's going to be a couple of rainy days so I'm anticipating a lot of tea and great love.


whale-come home!

My other half lives in the laptop.

I been sewin'

I woke up early on Saturday morning to attend an at-home sewing workshop with momma and sister. I made a reversible bag! The experience really fueled my excitement for future sewing projects--I started a notebook. What if we could make our own line of hand made things? 

I'm coming home

I'm on my way back to the city. Let's Skype soon.



Thank you internet for this pleasant surprise-- very cute and crass.

Don't ask me why I was googling for boba..

My hair has reached the middle phase

Seriously who hasn't fantasized about Tina from Bob's Burgers? My hair is fine.


Bakin' to the bakery

Lately I have been frequenting the bakery that's a block away from my house. I wander over and let my senses oversaturate with a very specific smell--kinda yeasty, fresh bready, and cozy.
The calm that takes over me when I sit here with a ciggy is pretty similar to our old spot. Remember when we used to sit atop the laundry vents for the warmth and laundry smell (if the launderers were laundering correctly..)? One of those places where you get to lose focus and let your ideas float in limbo while you enjoy their absence for a moment.

Anyway, I hope one day you get to experience the bakery. They actually don't sell bread, and the building is more like a bread factory. The people are very friendly inside and they would probably love if we visited every day to creepily smile at them (:

Safe and happy travels, bb! besos xxx


Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.”

—Lemony Snicket

I'm going on vaycay now

I'll be in a place where internet has been lost and cellphone coverage are unreliable. I'll talk to you when I get back.



Honey dew & Mindy

Nice dinner break


I'm very into Pinterest now. For sucha long time I wasn't able to prounce it, but now I'm fairly confident how to say it so I gave it a go and now I'm hooked. Since I'm the creator of Danish Robot Dancers, of course we made a Pinterest too, so I'm using that one. Bananaskater, if you wanna take a look at my pins. Though, I'm not sure how it works, still. But I'm just saving stuff and getting inspired.

No miedo

Typically the arrival of summer stirs many feelings for me because I love the easy breeziness of sunshine weather but... I really hate mosquito bites. To the point that it sometimes inhibits me from enjoying the world 100% because I'm too busy looking out for them. I think my fear sounds less ridiculous when I explain that my sensitive skin turns every bug bite into a landscape of itchy hives. Did I tell you that I once got a spider bite on my hand that basically swelled into another fist? But that's not the most relevant I guess.
So M started making me a bug potion several years ago, which has really made me comfortable being in the nature again. Unlike a lot of bug sprays, it doesn't dry out my skin or trigger an eczema outbreak. It's mostly witch hazel (an astringent, some people wash their face with it) with various essential oils that have bug-repelling smells.
I love it. It has felt so nice and empowering to rid myself of mosquito anxiety! It really makes me dream of going camping, which I still have yet to experience. It also doubles as a wonderful afternoon pick-me-up. The scent is really outdoorsy and refreshing, especially when you work in an office all day. I definitely want to start making my own essential oil concoctions too.


Did I tell you about the time some people called me a boy?

It was at work and as always, I'm rocking my uniform. A pik√© with woolen pants. I'm usually not wearing fancy underwear since it kinda hot at work sometimes, but my puppies do need support.
So they saw me not too much from afar. They yelled to their grandchildren, "we have to go now because here he comes with the broom. Look, he's got a broom we should let him sweep. There he comes!"
I reckon they said he about me at least 5 times. I looked behind me, there was no he with a broom. There was only me with my Harry Potter ride, apparently nonexistent boobs and he-shape.


"I don't wanna be dumpling sisters"

 - Caro, on me suggesting the name "gyoza and mandu"