Favour to ask

I need some help.

Can you write down in a post, and you others who read, who know me, describe me. My strength, me weaknesses, everything you know about me. When you see my picture, read my name, what do you think of?

I'll tell you later why.



Feeling a bit anxiety-stricken that summer is coming to an end.



Good Afternoon Caro

I'm on sick leave at the moment.
I have tonsillitis.
Which sucks.
But I hope to get better soon.

It gives me a lot of time to spend in bed (not having too much engergy atm) so I'm watching a lot of YouTube videos on vegan recipes.
It's kinda fun.
I've been going strong on my plantbased lifestyle.
More than a week now.
Sometimes I cook so much food (usually late at night when my engergy comes back) and sometimes I just eat carrots, selleri and peanut butter.

But I'm going to be better at eating more diverse.
Take a look at this channel:
Hot for food
and their website.


30 year old crisis?

I'm freaking out.
I'm thinking of heading south.
Begin again.
New life.


Dear Caro

It makes sense and if it hadn't it would be fine. I'm an intelligent, sensual woman - I will figure it out.

I've also been a hot mess this week. I've been struggling with insomnia. Right before I fall asleep I lay in bed day dreaming of stuff like love & future. Future scenarios with hot Korean guys or the ones I'm crushing on at the moment or I dream of my career, what I do, where I live and my life being a famous writer etc. etc. But this week I've been scared of going to bed because I have nothing to dream about. So instead I've been forcing myself to stay awake in my sofa and not gone to bed until I'm so exhausted I will just collapse into bed. However, this weekend has been better since I've been working and have to go to bed in order to get more than 4 hours of sleep. I'm working on it.

Your old habbits are something that will not just disapear just like that. It's a progress, change will take time, don't beat yourself up if you fail, just try again. And if you fail again, try again. Listen to Aaliyah. Also, let's skype soon so we can do the meditation tutorial since I want to learn and I'll bright you up so you won't feel bad anymore.



Dear Ceci,

Honestly, I have been nothing short of a hot mess this past week!

On Sunday, I went to a prayer arrow ceremony calling for spiritual strength to guide me to my true self. My prayer arrow (shown above) helped me realize the benefits of having a spiritual space in your home. It's really grounding to begin and end your day with a practice, whether that is meditating, praying, stretching, having a cup of tea, tending the garden, etc. It's really just to hang out with yourself.
Anyway--since I left the ceremony, I have been fluctuating between feeling great and extremely weird. I have been conscious about truth-telling, but at random moments will run to old habits of denial, people-pleasing, and consequently self-victimization. My responses to my emotions have been really surprising to even me (so many surprise tears, frustration, and sadness) so I am trying my best not to feel like that friend. Then I ate old cottage cheese and got sick, which I partially attributed to my bad karma for not being productive. The next two days I quit smoking ciggys, found a new yoga studio, and felt a mix of extremely lethargic and extremely hopeful. Last night I celebrated Club Wednesday, then experienced yet another bout of food/stomach sickness for the second time this week.

Thus, this morning I woke up a bit confused. For a moment I felt like perhaps I was wrapped in negative karma, but I think I am creating that fog myself by over thinking. As it is in my nature to be overcritical of myself, I need to reflect more and practice recognizing things that are working--truth telling, open discussion, yoga, meditation, and being a kind witness to myself.
Clearly though, I could not do this alone--so here is my quick gratitude list:

Ceci, who is constantly sparking her fires of creativity and self-inquiry-- thank you for making me laugh, first of all! Secondly, thank you for your inspiration, warmth, and invitation to have my presence in your life. I'm so happy we're blogging and discovering together.

M, my best friend who is constantly sparking her fires of passion and self exploration -- thank you for the insight, joy, and clarity you bring to my life.

A, my best friend and partner -- thank you for your patience, your words, and above all your presence and support through all the tension, serious discussions, and puke in my hair.

Is this making any sense?

love, c.