Dear Ceci,

Honestly, I have been nothing short of a hot mess this past week!

On Sunday, I went to a prayer arrow ceremony calling for spiritual strength to guide me to my true self. My prayer arrow (shown above) helped me realize the benefits of having a spiritual space in your home. It's really grounding to begin and end your day with a practice, whether that is meditating, praying, stretching, having a cup of tea, tending the garden, etc. It's really just to hang out with yourself.
Anyway--since I left the ceremony, I have been fluctuating between feeling great and extremely weird. I have been conscious about truth-telling, but at random moments will run to old habits of denial, people-pleasing, and consequently self-victimization. My responses to my emotions have been really surprising to even me (so many surprise tears, frustration, and sadness) so I am trying my best not to feel like that friend. Then I ate old cottage cheese and got sick, which I partially attributed to my bad karma for not being productive. The next two days I quit smoking ciggys, found a new yoga studio, and felt a mix of extremely lethargic and extremely hopeful. Last night I celebrated Club Wednesday, then experienced yet another bout of food/stomach sickness for the second time this week.

Thus, this morning I woke up a bit confused. For a moment I felt like perhaps I was wrapped in negative karma, but I think I am creating that fog myself by over thinking. As it is in my nature to be overcritical of myself, I need to reflect more and practice recognizing things that are working--truth telling, open discussion, yoga, meditation, and being a kind witness to myself.
Clearly though, I could not do this alone--so here is my quick gratitude list:

Ceci, who is constantly sparking her fires of creativity and self-inquiry-- thank you for making me laugh, first of all! Secondly, thank you for your inspiration, warmth, and invitation to have my presence in your life. I'm so happy we're blogging and discovering together.

M, my best friend who is constantly sparking her fires of passion and self exploration -- thank you for the insight, joy, and clarity you bring to my life.

A, my best friend and partner -- thank you for your patience, your words, and above all your presence and support through all the tension, serious discussions, and puke in my hair.

Is this making any sense?

love, c.

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