Begin Again


As you know I quit my job today. A lot of things are going on in my head but for once I can see things clear. It was the right decision and I will start feeling better soon.

I might need some time to get back. I will go back to my parents place for Christmas and hopefully get some more energy to be able to work through January.

I don't have a plan. Well, I have a plan to feel better again. I will apply for some jobs, get my life back again. And I'll take it from there.

Happy Holidays!


Back to Nature

It all comes down to the childhood. After reading Letters to a Young Poet and other shenanigans I've started going back to my own childhood and been trying to recall as much as I can in order to understand and get to know myself. It was an excellent opportunity to go to my parents house and look in old photo albums. I found several lovely pictures of me, my family being all happy. Although sometimes I can see some pain and sadness in my eyes, I can't remember where it's from. Or if I was unhappy or just camera shy. The first picture is from our summer vacation at a homestead we rented in the woods. No running water and we had an outhouse. I loved it. My brother and I learned how to walk on wooden stilts, we carved wood and we had a nice little rowing boat and I learned that too.

My family was very active and outdoorsy. We always went on great vacations during winter and summer. On weekends we went skiing or skating, took long walks in the woods, went swiming in the ocean, fishing crabs - doing all sorts of stuff - what happened? I want to begin again.

Ever since a while ago I've been more into nature. I love hiking, canoeing and lust for our summer place next to the ocean. My dream is to get enough money to buy a house next to the ocean and just sit there all day, light a fire, walk around in wollen socks, write and read books, walk around in nature and just live happily. I'm going to read Walden to get more inspired and perhaps I might even buy a van and drive around in like Yellowmanvan or Therollinghome

French Pastries

Suddenly I'm in the mood for this.



Tonight's honest feelings brought to you by friendly glasses of merlot and cabernet.. (:

I attended a volunteer appreciation event for the holidays this evening. Albeit tipsy from the slightly excessive cups of wine I pursued from the adorable bartender, my conversations with the elderly members of the community really grounded me--as they always do. I originally didnt feel that I deserved any recognition as my volunteer positions were short and infrequent, but to receive applause from my mentors and clients felt unreal! Aside from the recognition, I felt myself falling into a more positive space regarding my life throug my conversations with the org members. I discussed my future plans with them, but without an indication of rush (concerning age, as they are elders). Among individuals that were mostly above the age of 70, my age was such a joke--and I really appreciated that.
So a big thank you to my elder community for their presence, perspective, and wisdom.
And of course, a big thank you to my best friend who continues to impart her wisdom and grace as she ages (;

Good night baby xx

Love, c.



I slither up to my car in the dark corner of the parking lot. As I enjoy the cool, moist air from the wet cement, I sneak a ciggy (despite quitting) and embrace the salamander as my spirit animal.

I have approached what feels like the end of a minor hiberbation. Since my graduate school applications have fallen to pieces, I am changing my approach again--we should discuss.

I haven't been to meditation for two weeks, and I am feeling the consequences of it. Lots going on this time of year! However, my time spent blogging at the laundromat has been calm and clarifying.

Wishing you some peace of mind.