It all comes down to the childhood. After reading Letters to a Young Poet and other shenanigans I've started going back to my own childhood and been trying to recall as much as I can in order to understand and get to know myself. It was an excellent opportunity to go to my parents house and look in old photo albums. I found several lovely pictures of me, my family being all happy. Although sometimes I can see some pain and sadness in my eyes, I can't remember where it's from. Or if I was unhappy or just camera shy. The first picture is from our summer vacation at a homestead we rented in the woods. No running water and we had an outhouse. I loved it. My brother and I learned how to walk on wooden stilts, we carved wood and we had a nice little rowing boat and I learned that too.
My family was very active and outdoorsy. We always went on great vacations during winter and summer. On weekends we went skiing or skating, took long walks in the woods, went swiming in the ocean, fishing crabs - doing all sorts of stuff - what happened? I want to begin again.
Ever since a while ago I've been more into nature. I love hiking, canoeing and lust for our summer place next to the ocean. My dream is to get enough money to buy a house next to the ocean and just sit there all day, light a fire, walk around in wollen socks, write and read books, walk around in nature and just live happily. I'm going to read Walden to get more inspired and perhaps I might even buy a van and drive around in like Yellowmanvan or Therollinghome.