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28.4.16

I've got work in the mornin

My love,

Existential crises galore! I have them often too. When I ask myself the reason I wake up every morning, these are the thoughts that come through:

1. To better myself and grow into the person I want to be.
Every day I go through a bunch of processes--waking up, picking my clothes, feeding my fish and dog, commuting, getting to work on time, cultivating friendships, building professional relationships, gaining work skills (technical and social), eating healthy and unhealthy food. It's interesting to watch myself develop new habits, shake off old ones, and pick them back up. It's meditative to reflect and see their effects on my general well-being. Every day I'm just practicing and perfecting these things.

2. To have new feelings. There's a poem by Nayyirah Waheed that I love:

there are feelings.
you haven't felt yet.
give them time.
they are almost here.
--fresh

Sometimes I find the space to do things that push my limits, and I feel new feelings. Although sometimes uncomfortable, I love looking back and bookmarking a moment where I identified a feeling I have never felt before. Just collecting. This is not to say that I don't like my regular feelings that I've already had/identified before.

3. To talk to other people.
As much as I love the relaxation that comes over me when I am alone, I also get bored when I have too much of it. I love being with quirky people who own their quirkiness, and experiencing the quirkiness with them. I also learn a lot of things when I talk to people. Today, I finally caught on to Beyonce's new album (Lemonade) because of a coworker's suggestion.

4. To give love.
If there is anyone in my community that needs support, I like to be there to provide that. I can't provide big support, but small ones--like actively listening, or sharing a lunch break and decompressing. It's my sense of purpose--I guess that's why I want to be a social worker.

5. To receive love.
As selfish as this may sound, I love feeling that people love me. So I wake up and dive right in there to soak it all up.

The blogger you posted last is so wonderful. And she's an illustrator! My dream.
Do you want to web cam soon?

love, c.

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